In the mirror of love
How can you know that you are loved?
Based on past knowledge, experience, and perception you will form your reality. Your love language, the other person’s body language, the way she/he is looking at you, and the social norms will create your sense of love. But, you don’t know you are being loved. The word know can only be applied when what was known is true and can be shown to be true. Know is not the only word that fosters this illusion. In common usage, the words intuition, and feeling are also reserved for past thoughts that turned out to be true.
“There is in me and for me a reality that is mine: that which I confer upon myself; a reality that is yours, in you and for you: that which you confer upon yourself; and these are never the same, either for me or for you.”
Luigi Pirandello
When unexpected “I love you” pops out in a conversation…
The way our minds create stories about the past serves as a sense-making organ, helping us process and understand our experiences. When an unpredicted event, like an unexpected “I love you,” occurs, we immediately adjust our view of the world to accommodate the surprise. Just like with any unexpected event, this declaration of love can be a profound moment of transformation. However, there’s a twist. A general limitation of the human mind is its imperfect ability to reconstruct past states of knowledge or beliefs that have changed. Once you adopt a new view of the world, you immediately lose much of your ability to recall what you used to believe before your mind changed.
In the context of an unexpected “I love you,” this limitation becomes apparent. Your inability to reconstruct past beliefs will inevitably cause you to underestimate the extent to which you were surprised by those three little words. These moments not only reshape your perception but also challenge your memory’s ability to retain the emotions and thoughts you held before the unexpected declaration. So, while it may seem like a simple statement, it can profoundly affect your worldview, just like any other surprising event, leaving you to grapple with the challenge of reconstructing your past emotional state.
We may oversimplify our understanding of our partner or the complexities of a romantic relationship. We might think we completely understand our partner’s feelings, desires, and motivations when, in fact, these aspects are intricate and multifaceted.
If you love someone you need to show them in the way he/she will see it, speak in the language he/she will understand. According to Gary Chapman, we all “speak” five languages of love and there are ways to show it: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It’s important to note that individuals often have a primary love language that resonates with them the most, but they can also appreciate and respond to expressions of love in other languages.
You don’t want to lose yourself in a relationship.
When In love, we often construct an idealized identity of ourselves in the eyes of our beloved. We may strive to be the person we think our partner desires, which can sometimes lead to a disconnect between our true selves and the identity we present in the relationship.
We need to seek authenticity in relationships. Desire to be loved for who we genuinely are, not for a persona we put on to please our partner. Authentic love often involves accepting each other’s true selves.
You are not the same person with the same people. We are not a single individual, like one to all. For each person we build our own identity, how we behave, how we talk, and even our accent could change based on the person whom we are talking to. Other people form their own opinions of us and assign us various roles based on their perceptions. These roles influence how we behave when we’re with them and what they come to understand about us. As a result, we find ourselves in different roles and our behavior adapts accordingly when interacting with different individuals.
We will discover numerous versions of ourselves, each perceived by different people, leading to a sense of fragmentation.
We will often play different roles in different relationships or even within the same relationship. We could be a partner, a friend, a caregiver, and more. Love can involve navigating the complexities of these multiple identities.
It’s essential to recognize and navigate these multiple identities to maintain authenticity and build meaningful connections with those around you.
Understanding your partner’s and your own love languages can help improve communication, strengthen emotional bonds, and create more fulfilling relationships. Love is a choice when the initial stage of infatuation subsides (typically lasting up to two years). Loving someone and sharing life with them involves hard work and dedication from both sides. It’s a journey that goes beyond mere emotions, requiring consistent effort and commitment to nurture a strong and lasting connection.
I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.
Gary Chapman
If you have children you know that you are loved
Jordan B. Peterson once said it’s really worth knowing that kids want to have the best relationship with you that they could possibly have. They’re one hundred percent on board with that idea, way more than anyone you will ever meet in your life. That means, you could have the best relationship with your children that you’ve ever had with anyone. That’s what they offer, they see the best in you. That’s the best opportunity for true love that you’ll ever get.
